Alright! Let's get down to business!

I thought I'd start with a run-down of the characters in this little play. No particular order other than the way they come to mind, which I suppose could indicate importance, but who knows?
First up?
Mr. Brickwood-
Mr. Brickwood is, I suppose, for all intents and purposes, my sidekick. He'll be pissed as hell when he reads that, but this is MY story which makes him the sidekick! He's a pretty decent guy, and for whatever reason we get along very well. He's slightly, how to put this, neurotic? Yup. that's the right word. Of course, I'm pretty sure a great deal of his neuroses stem from the huge sebatious sist on the back of his neck (bought the size of a golf ball) but the doctors have told him repeatedly this can't be true.
Either way, he's the guy I spend most of my freetime with, sort of a "hetero-lifemate" as it were.
Don't let the picture fool you though ladies! He is a sexy beast if you're one of those women who're ATTRACTED to men that could be "mildly criminally insane". You know, the ones where you're relatively sure going to bed with them is going to be similar to the feeling one gets when riding the elevator down from the 51st floor and having it "skip" its timing and drop a few inches VERY quickly?
Yeah. That's my boy.